Once Bitten, that tragically underrated gem from 1985, stars a young (and undeniably cute) Jim Carrey. Sure, some of the humor is a little dated now, especially when viewed through a modern lens on sex and virginity. Raunchy teen comedies about sex were a dime a dozen in the ’80s, but this one stands out because, well, it has a female vampire.
Countess (Lauren Hutton), a vampire who’s been around for centuries, has a problem: she needs to drink from a male virgin three times before Halloween to keep her youthful glow. With only 10 days left, she’s understandably stressed. Her loyal assistant, butler, and chauffeur, Sebastian (the legendary Cleavon Little), assures her everything will be fine. The Countess has a whole squad of younger vampires she’s turned over the years, and their mission is simple: find a virgin. Easier said than done in 1980s Los Angeles, apparently!
Enter Mark Kendall (Jim Carrey), a teenager desperately trying to get some action with his girlfriend, Robin Pierce (Karen Kopins). She’s just not ready yet, much to his frustration. He vents to his equally horny best friends, Jamie (Thomas Ballatore) and Russ (Skip Lackey), wishing he could just lose his virginity to a random girl to ease the pressure with Robin. Naturally, his buddies encourage him to cruise Hollywood and pick up women. Ah, the ’80s.
A montage set to the movie’s totally rad title song by 3 Speed shows the guys driving around the shiny, glammed-up city in Mark’s ice cream truck. Hollywood is presented as a fantasy world, all bright lights and bikini models strutting down the sidewalk. It’s practically Vegas. And of course, there’s a blond woman in a gold jumpsuit walking a lion down the street. Only in Hollywood, right?
The boys end up at a wild bar where the tables have phones to call each other. Mark is ready to bail, but then their table gets a call from a beautiful woman at the bar who wants to talk to him. He gets flustered, tries (and fails) not to stare, and then chaos erupts when a disgruntled husband pulls a gun on his cheating wife. The bar clears out, and the Countess seizes her chance, whisking Mark away to her place. Not that he needed much convincing.
The Countess seduces the stumbling, bumbling Mark and gets her first drink. He blacks out and thinks they did the deed, even though he remembers nothing. You gotta wonder, why didn’t she just keep him around for the next 10 days to get her next two drinks in before the deadline? Probably because chasing him around LA is way more fun.
Let’s be real, Mark Kendall is not boyfriend material. We first see him pressuring his girlfriend to have sex when she’s not ready, in a crowded parking lot, in his ice cream truck. Then he goes out looking to sleep with a stranger just to get it over with, and when Robin calls him out on it, it somehow becomes her fault. But don’t worry, she takes him back because it’s the ’80s and “boys will be boys.” He gives her the classic, “I made a stupid mistake. I’m sorry. I’m a teenager. I’m supposed to make stupid mistakes. I wouldn’t try to hurt ya, you know that.” Plus, he was drunk, so all is forgiven. Ugh.
Mark starts to go through some changes, like suddenly being sensitive to sunlight and developing a taste for black clothes. Carrey as a vampire is truly something everyone should see. In this over-the-top ’80s world, he stands out even more, as does the Countess with her killer all-black wardrobe, punctuated with pops of color like fuchsia lipstick. Her mansion is all black and white, marble, and pure ’80s decadence. And who doesn’t love seeing her open her coffin to reveal a pink satin interior? Iconic.
Sebastian was always my favorite, though. The movie opens with him gliding around the house, straightening paintings and sculptures as he prepares and delivers the Countess’ breakfast: a glass of blood on a tray next to a single black rose. He plays into Hollywood’s gay stereotype a little here and there, but he’s not a flamboyant caricature. I appreciate his bitchy comments and constant disapproval of Mark.
Once Bitten is Jim Carrey’s first leading role in a feature film. Imagine seeing this before you knew his other work. As a fan, you already know he’s hilarious, but seeing him for the first time in this role would be even more impressive. The movie’s dance scene is perfectly ridiculous, showcasing Carrey’s natural talent for physical comedy. Also, let’s just acknowledge that not a single person at that school looks like a teenager.
I was around five or six when I first saw Once Bitten. All the sex talk went over my head for the most part. I was just obsessed with Jim Carrey. My mom probably showed it to me because I’d already seen all his other stuff, including “In Living Color,” which I was completely hooked on. Back when Disney on Ice was a thing, I asked my mom, “Can we go see Jim Carrey on ice?” Sadly, that wasn’t a thing, but I’m pretty sure he would’ve done it if asked.
As a ’90s kid, this movie was everything I thought the ’80s were and more: neon signs, pastel colors, guitar riffs, and wild (sometimes fabulous) fashion. With all the catchy songs, it’s like watching a music video. Good luck trying to get Maria Vidal’s “Just One Kiss” and “Hands Off” out of your head.
Once Bitten is streaming on Amazon Prime Video and for free on YouTube.
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Cassondra Feltus is a St. Louis-based freelance writer best known for film, television, and pop culture analysis which has appeared on BlkCosmo Blerds, WatchMojo, and The Take. She loves naps, Paul Rudd, and binge-watching the latest series with her two gorgeous pups – Harry and DeVito.
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